Tajah on Motherhood
Motherhood is much more than being part of a social group or some “mom” group on social media. Motherhood becomes who you are. No matter how many hats you put on and take off Motherhood remains forever. Whether we are prepared or not, it defines you everywhere you go.
Growing up I didn’t have a strong relationship with my mom. The comfort of having a mother’s love was absent for me. So when I became a mom at 24 years old, I knew I needed to love my son as hard as I could. I was young–not as young as most when they become mothers–but young enough to have such a title define me, my future, and everything around me.
At 23 years old I married my college sweetheart, the love of my life. Together we set goals and intentions that would propel our dreams to become realities. We were those people who believed in our dreams with our whole hearts. But early in our marriage Motherhood wasn’t in our “making it big” plans.
My husband and I moved from Connecticut to Arizona to pursue my dreams of becoming a professional track runner at Altis. Making it to the olympics was the only thing on our minds; to be among the greats, training with the best coaches, and pursuing great things together was all that mattered to us. I didn’t know that Motherhood was right around my corner when I said “yes” to my dream. I don't think anyone is ever truly prepared to do all it takes to become a Mother.
Motherhood turned my entire life upside down, in the best, most challenging and unexpected ways. Who I am, how I think, and how much I worry about my big dream all changed in an instant. After giving birth how much you change. Your mind, body and spirit are different. This is something not talked about enough with young mothers.
Postpartum depression isn’t the same for everyone. I felt very blessed to give birth to our second son at age 28, but I was not prepared to go through the difficult stages postpartum depression took me through. I tried my best in preparing myself through education, supplements and even started going to therapy. Now 18 months and a new therapist later, I’m still a work in progress processing my reality. Motherhood is who I am. It's my armor, my battle wounds, my victory. Without my little soldiers I wouldn’t have such a powerful story to share.
As I unfold my trauma, depression and flawed childhood life and in therapy I start to see how powerful Motherhood is. I am victorious. My sons have a warrior mom and it's so badass. Their mother is a fighter. She’s one of the most powerful beings in their life. And she's fighting her battles for them. The most important part about Motherhood is that it doesn't take away who you are. Your Identity doesn’t stop. It grows and grows. Right before your eyes. I was an athlete who had big dreams. Now, I was an athlete with big dreams who became the most Powerful Woman for my sons.
I am Motherhood.
Written by Shatajah Maximin